Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.1 Peter 4:8-11
Small groups can be the most special relationship building time in the week. Our relationships can move from being casual and superficial to deep and transparent. The friendships that we build in a small intimate setting can be a support against all the challenges we face in life. Small groups are to be holistic by having several purposes. Our groups are for support, recovery, teaching, training, discipleship, evangelism, fun, benevolence, healing, fellowship and prayer. Can a group accomplish so many goals? Absolutely, since all the activities and functions are interrelated. As you focus on one purpose you are accomplishing several other goals at the same time due to group dynamics and the systematic nature of a group. What are some of the group dynamics we need to have in our holistic groups? Our groups need to be a safe place, interactive, affirming, and accountable. What do I mean by these four dynamics?
A safe place is a place where everyone feels free to be vulnerable. Trust and confidentiality are absolutely essential elements for a group to be safe. If just one person in the group cannot be trusted because of a weakness in gossip or loose lips then the confidentiality is destroyed. Every small group should make a covenant of confidentiality that nothing is shared outside of the group without the knowledge and approval of the entire group. The scriptures warn against being a busybody. (1 Timothy 6:13, 2 Thessalonians 3:11) Everyone in the group must get real and honest eventually or the group will not remain safe since some will have been honest while others are not disclosing. But a safe place will encourage open, full disclosure. Some will wait until the security of the group is proven and obvious while others will lead the way in vulnerability. Confidentiality is so important that if it is violated the offending person should not be allowed back into the group until everyone feels safe again. Violation of trust is monumental. Everyone wants to choose who to be real with and not be concerned whether their story is taken out of context.
Our groups need to be interactive and participatory! It is through involvement and sharing that the synergism of a group learning process occurs. We learn from each other. Things you say trigger thoughts in my mind. Feelings you express touch my heart. The more people share the greater the possibility for connection and relatedness. I will gain from everyoneâ??s sharing but someone will relate more closely to me. Most of us shut down after some time when we are not participating. Without investing my thoughts and feelings I may remain aloof and disconnected. I will remember the reception of my sharing. Interactive learning takes time. It takes a mutual respect for the other members of the group. â??We develop the art of listening and speaking if the group is interactive. I must decide what I think and get in touch with what I feel. Interaction is critical for our small groups to become holistic and healthy. God bless us as we proceed to become an interactive spiritual family.
Everyone needs affirmation! We live in a world that has mastered criticism. Most of life beats us down and breaks down our self-confidence. The most gifted are often the targets of the greatest barrage of critical feedback. Most peopleâ??s self-esteem has suffered traumatic events which continue in our memories long after the initial episode. Negative tapes seem to play involuntarily in our minds as we seek to grow and change. A positive affirming group will encourage and remind us that we are not alone. We all need to be reminded that we are normal. We all have many of the same fears, insecurities, regrets, weaknesses and feelings. We need to be told what is good and right in our lives so we can build on that foundation. We can get stuck and bound by our weaknesses. But in Christ our weaknesses can be turned into strengths. A little encouragement from several other small group members can get us going and help us to not be bound up. â??Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.â? 1 Thessalonians 5:11 We need to reinforce each other! Someone else needs to tell us what God-given strengths we possess. Someone else needs to remind us of the promises of God when our minds are confused or blurred by overwhelming circumstances or crisis. We need support to go through the pain which often accompanies growth. Encouragement allows us to have the courage to accept the truth for our lives.
Growth usually does not occur without accountability. Self-growth is even more difficult without coaching and mentoring. Few of us are truly self-motivated for long periods of time. Accountability allows us to measure our progress. Even small growth can be very encouraging and fuel motivation. We fear accountability because of the fear of failure. But with affirmation and encouragement in a safe environment, accountability can be healthy and useful. Recognition for change is affirming but without measurement growth is undefined. Accountability in a group is usually by witnessing others example. Accountability does not have to be overt. Accountability which is just a product of group interaction and group goals is very positive. Accountability needs to be as qualitative as quantitative. Progress should be measured by subjective and objective criteria. The group feeling better or stronger is as important as the group finishing a task. Discussion by the group is necessary to determine mutual accountability. Maybe a group will decide on spiritual goals, evangelism contacts, prayer time, family activities, or reading homework. The power of the group dynamic can be so helpful to overcome laziness, fear, distractions or old habits. Accountability has often been too broad and oppressive. We need to grow from where we are now standing. Everyone is different. Sensitivity can occur in a small group to allow for the diversity of the individual. Accountability can destroy if not done wisely and personally.
Small groups are a building block for a healthy church. We need the depth of relationships in the small group to feel connected to the larger body. The dynamics of safety, interaction, affirmation, and accountability are not exhaustive, but are necessary elements for our fellowship. A strong characteristic of our church is our willingness to connect to become spiritual family.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:9-18
