By Dr. Gregg Marutzky
Sunday, July 15th is a special service for our congregation to celebrate our singles ministry. The group has been very active the last several months through devotionals led by the single brothers. The fellowship times have unified our singles and strengthen the ministry. Praise God for the talent and commitment of our single brothers and sisters. Our church is blessed by the diversity, service and overall contribution by these indispensable disciples. Our small groups are integrated for all the adults which allows for family relationships to develop. The devotionals have forged the ministry. I have edited the following article that I wrote several years ago for us to consider as a congregation.
Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds–his name is the LORD– and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
Psalms 68:4-6
Ministry to singles has taken many forms over the years in our church. Typically, the singles have been separated out from the other adult ministries including married and college students. Unfortunately for the singles this is not always helpful. A book entitled, Single Not Separate, by Virginia McInerney, is insightful regarding ministering to singles. The thesis of the book is the need for singles to be integrated into an adult ministry which does not make distinction between married and single members. The reasons are manifold. The greatest need for singles according to studies is relationships. Loneliness is the greatest hurt for single people. Their greatest temptation is not purity as many non-singles assume but despair over being alone. Another false assumption is that single people are not as busy as married people. True their schedules may be more flexible but because single people are responsible for every aspect of their lives and do not share responsibilities with a spouse, they often can feel overwhelmed. It is time to be family in the church and be open to integrating all the adults into small groups which will be holistic to meet the needs of all our members. College students, teens and preteens are still in school. These groups have not launched into a regular routine which will dominate them for the rest of their lives. Please do not get me wrong. I still believe in meeting specific needs. At times married couples will need to have a series on marriage. Parents will want to learn about parenting which will also include single parents. Singles will meet for devotionals. The demographics in our society are changing. The trend is that more and more adults are living as singles. This is due to many reasons including: preference, divorce, circumstances, and death. How many people do you know that have lost a spouse due to divorce or death? They have truly suffered multiple losses â?? the loss of a spouse and the loss of most of their friendships.
It is time to give single adults more respect. We should include singles in every level of leadership in the church. Singles can follow but they can also lead. They can usher and they can teach. We have too often made our singles feel like second class citizens and that only through marriage will an individual become our peer. Singles are eager to build relationships with all adults and integrate. Ministry requires flexibility and creative solutions to needs. What are the needs of the singles and how can their needs be met? Letâ??s root out false assumptions and get to know one another. Christian singles should be respected for their spirituality, talent and faith. Many of our singles have been strong Christians for a long time. They are proven disciples with commitment, knowledge, gifts and heart. But unfortunately sometimes married members do not have singles as friends and include them in their repertoire of activities. When was the last time we had a single person over to our homes? When was the last time a single adult was served? We can all remember the last time a single served us or offered to help us out. The singles are valuable to our church. The singles are usually the first to help. The singles in our church need to be part of a church family which will bring them meals when they are sick, or help them make repairs, or celebrate special times. Our kids can become their kids also. Most parents get great joy from watching their children play, perform, and participate. Our single adults enjoy the fellowship at these activities. We can fellowship together without making anyone feel like a third wheel.
Letâ??s be family. Families can be two, three, four or more. Do your children have babysitters or do they have spiritual aunts and uncles within the church? God has always intended for His church to be a family. The number of examples in the Bible of singles and marrieds being together are numerous. There are no examples of segregation between couples and singles in ancient society because there were few singles due to arranged marriages. Extended families remained together in close proximity for social, economic and spiritual reasons. We have too much separation and individualism in our society. Every lifestyle has pluses and minuses. Have we forgotten that Jesus was single! Too much pressure is often put on singles to date and pursue marriage. Some want to marry others do not. Most singles are content and not concerned with finding a mate. They are busy with their careers, faith, friendships, family and recreation. The trend is for more and more adults to live single. Utilitarian models of the church such as an army or a corporation can be inflexible and insensitive to personal needs. The Golden Rule guides us as we consider these changes. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.
Letâ??s now choose to restore the church as God has intended to â?? A family.
Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.
Mark 3:22-35
I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields– and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.
Mark 10:29-31
